Chance to Change
Change is inevitable in our lives, yet, we still struggle to cope with it.
You want to have a healthier lifestyle, but those cookies, are so delicious. You want to have a better job, but that demands skills that you don‘t have. You wish you had more financial freedom, but still on a budget. Better relationships but you can‘t because you‘re not “that person”.
If you can relate to the previous statements then welcome to the club. I‘ve been self-handicapping myself for years. Wishing and dreaming about change and things to be different, but when it came to action, I couldn‘t do it.
When it comes to change, things get uncomfortable, uncertain, and scary. We don‘t want to deal with it, it‘s painful and we are programmed to avoid pain. Yet, change (in other words action) is the answer when we want something that we don‘t currently have. We need to change our statement, our perspective, and our options to reach our goals.
You can‘t have a healthy lifestyle if you eat junk food. Have a job in management when you haven’t developed the skills for it. An impactful relationship when you‘re not willing to give or know your self-worth.
So, which are the factors that are keeping us back from change?
We identify ourselves with certain characteristics. Either those come from our families or our social environment. But that‘s not the problem, the problem is that we tend to stick with them, protecting them with our lives. You are “the cookie-monster”, the “assistant” the “easy-going” one.
But, human beings are known for their ability to change. We can transform and reshape ourselves. That‘s how we survived as homo sapiens because we were the ones to embrace change.
So, how do we stick in these social roles, and which are the factors that are maintaining them?
Here are 8 change-resistance reasons:
1-Habits
2-Uncertainty
3-Personal Loss
4-Anxiety
5-Misunderstanding
6-Lack of trust
7-Peer Pressure
8-Too little time to adapt
Let‘s face it, breaking a habit it‘s not the easiest thing to do. We are running on autopilot most of the time and sometimes we‘re not even aware of them. Change is also scary, we are programmed to fear the unknown and we avoid uncertainty at all costs.
What comes with the change is also anxiety and the uncomfortableness of the new things. Our personal identity is shaken when things that we use to take for granted change.
We start to question ourselves and the things we thought were “normal”. Especially when we see other people do the same thing and that peer pressure that‘s keeping us away from change.
Those social roles make people associate us with certain behaviors and characteristics. So, when we try to change they would say “You‘re not yourself anymore”. There have been studies where people who were trying to lose weight have given up. The reason? Friends and family avoided them when they introduce a different, healthier lifestyle. Because they couldn‘t cope with the change that their beloved one went through. Friends and family felt criticized by them as they didn‘t follow the routine.
I had a similar experience where I was trying to work on my thesis while maintaining a full-time job. I refused some of my friends’ going-out invites. As a result, they felt insulted by my actions. My choice to stay home and study, was a reminder for them that they were behind in their projects. In their eyes, I was judging them by “being better than them”.
These are occurring patterns. Will reappear in your life when you‘re trying to change in your old environment. And it‘s not that others don‘t love you, but they can‘t see the reason for your change.
Going to a new environment where no one knows who you used to be or used to do, you will find change easier and smoother. When I moved abroad by myself to Berlin, I knew no one. I had the opportunity to transform and shape myself as I wanted to.
Yet, how do we achieve change without feeling that we‘re suffering from it? In other words, how do we disguise change to make it as easy as possible and part of who we are?
Here are some technics:
1-Instead of jumping quick changes to see rabbit results enjoy the process. Change a small thing every day.
2-Educate yourself/ research and find why you want this change. What kind of outcomes are you looking for
3-Seek to change your environment. Go to a new place that you haven‘t been to before, mingle with people that you wouldn‘t usually do. Look for those who have already what you want and learn how they got it.
4-Keep a daily diary and reflect to see how you‘re progressing.
5-Talk with people who you can trust and can give you honest and valuable feedback.
6-Set up the conditions for the change to happen, to make it inevitable.
7-Find an accountability partner. Someone that would remind you why you‘re doing anything you do.
8-Travel as much as possible. See other cultures and interacting with other people. It will change the way you see things and you step away from the micro-world you live in your head.
Imagine that you have a beautiful ceramic vase and accidentally it breaks. You‘re trying to repair it and trying to find pieces to put together to replace the broken parts. By the end, you have replaced all the pieces from the original vase and now you have a new edition of it.
The question is, is the vase the same as it was before it breaks? It looks like it, but all the pieces have been replaced with new ones. That‘s how you‘ll be when you‘ll achieve change. Look the same, but be a different person. At least that‘s what happened to me and in a good way.
You‘ll see yourself evolving mastering things that you never thought you‘re capable of. You‘ll understand then that the pain of remaining the same is bigger than the pain of change.
Not all change is bad, in fact, the world is changing day by day. Working towards being a better version of yourself, is your duty. Find people who will support you, and let go of those who are holding you back. Avoid those who are projecting in you their own insecurities and fears.
The last, thing always, reflect. See how far you‘ve come and how you managed change.
You got this!
