This Is How Anxiety Looks Like.
(Sometimes)
We associate traveling around the world as a retreat in the open space. Countryside with fresh air and blue skies as the medicine to anxiety. Don‘t get me wrong, that should be the case, but sometimes is not.
Anxiety is something that lives, unfortunately, in our heads and we carry it whenever we go. When I was moving to a new place, I had in mind that all my previous fears and stresses would fade away. But I never thought about the new ones that will occur.
Even if I‘m in the most beautiful part of the world, my fears, my insecurities, my irrational thoughts are hunting me. Keeping me prisoner in my own mind, denying me joy and happiness of the moment.
Living with stress and anxiety is like living with a judgmental friend. Someone who is going to remind you of everything that can go wrong. Even creating imaginary scenarios for things that MIGHT go wrong. The most interesting fact though is the belief that the voice in our head is the ultimate truth. We become paranoid about things that haven‘t happened, or never happened.
Yet, this “little friend” of ours, had a purpose once upon a time. Stress and anxiety were defense mechanisms. Letting us know when something was not alright and a predator was nearby ready to attack. The level of adrenaline was increased to alert our system to be prepared for fight or flight. Shutting down our immune system and our digestive system. Preserving energy for the fight or the runaway.
Oxytocin so, even if it‘s labeled as the “love hormone” has another function. Working as a double-edged shore, oxytocin locks in our memories. The stressful experiences we had along with the good ones. In other words, every social interaction we had is recorded in our memory with the help of oxytocin.
Yet, the cases of an animal predator chasing us are limited nowadays, but our anxiety is not. We managed to defeat the monsters in the jungle, but we‘re still struggling with the monsters in our heads.
I‘ve been living with stress and anxiety since I was a young teenager. Worrying about grades, university opportunities, jobs and careers, partnerships, finances. Everything that could be stressful, stressed me out.
I could change the environment around me but I failed to change the environment within me. Everywhere I went I brought my emotional luggage with me.
I had the same worries and stresses in Berlin, in Zürich, in Spain, in Ireland, in Scotland, in France. Even in the most rural part of Italy where there was nothing but hills and forests surrounding me.
Anxiety was my second skin.
But for how long can someone wear that skin? Somehow, I had to stop it from growing.
Living with anxiety, it‘s definitely not easy, nor healthy. Thus it has to be stopped. One day I went for a walk outside in the countryside. While I was walking I noticed the trees, the birds, the fresh cold air that was cooling my thoughts down.
Suddenly that voice in my head went quiet. Of course, I had so many problems to solve, I was focusing only on problems!
We are what we put our focus on. Our attention creates reality!
My attention and focus were 100% of the time, on my problems. Never the solution.
It was my perspective I needed to change, not my environment as such.
Changing the perspective allowed me to see several situations. To approach the problem from different angles, and understand it better.
I played with the worst-case scenarios in my head. But instead of focusing on “This might happen and it‘s going to be so bad”. I started to focus on “In case this happens, the solutions might be these”.
Giving myself choices, in a potential catastrophe, made me feel more relaxed and in control of my life. There‘s no greater feeling than having control in your life. Knowing that you can handle everything that life throws at you.
I‘m not saying things are marvelous now and I‘m not stressed or anxious at all. Of course, I am. But now I know how to handle it.
If you‘re suffering from anxiety, remember these:
- You have ALWAYS a choice (you just have to see it)
- Anxiety never solved a problem. If you‘re chasing a butterfly, she will never sit on your hand. But if you relax and calm down, you‘ll see her on the top of your fingers. That‘s the same with our problems. The more we focus on the problems the more they multiply. Focus on the solution instead.
- Take care of your health (mental and physical). Work out, eat healthily, breathe fresh air, talk to someone you love. If you‘re not alright, nothing would be. You are the captain of this ship, you‘re in control of your life. If you starve the captain and treat her badly, she won‘t lead you to safe land.
Take care of yourself and don‘t worry. If something unexpected happens, you‘ll be surprised by your ability to handle it.
